


Perfect / In The Rain

by Hereisthere_gg



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Anywhere, Blame Thaliel, Character Death, F/M, FOR A N Y O N E INVOLVED, GABRIEL AGRESTE IS A DANGER TAG IN AND OF HIMSELF ON MY ACCOUNT, I REPEAT: MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG D I E S, I am evil, JUST LIKE C H A R A, MARINETTE IS NOT IMMUNE, Marichat but Chat hangs around Marinette without her knowing, No happy endings, R U N, Run, S U I C I D E, Self-Harm, TRIGER WARNING, because he's a wreck now, chatinette, contemplating suicide, it's their fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9407006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hereisthere_gg/pseuds/Hereisthere_gg
Summary: Adrien is lonely.So Chat Noir is lonely.Sitting on Marinette's rooftop silently, as he's been doing for the past week, he decides to at least tell someone, even if it's the unsuspecting girl who would probably think that he's been stalking her. He decides that he should at least tell someone what Adrien wants to do, plans to do, is going to do.She won't approve.But she doesn't really like 'him' anyway. For who he really is, not just the model part.He doesn't even like 'him'. Either part, all that much. If Adrien and Chat Noir really are separate personalities of the same person, which is weird.(He isn't even sure who 'he' is, really.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thaliel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thaliel/gifts).



> I HIGHLY suggest listening to the umbrella scene song during this for maximum feels. HIGHLY. I was listening to it on repeat before this, and it's had a massive effect on my writing, and I fucking love how this turned out.
> 
> And Thaliel. Contemplating and attempted suicide. Self-harm. And then, finally, suicide. Your move. 
> 
> (I'm kind of upset with how not-angsty this started out. But it intensified, let me tell you, and the ending and "epilogue" will shock the hell out of you. It did me, even as I wrote it.)

The rain was cold.

He couldn't exactly feel it, though. Maybe he wasn't paying full attention to it, because words had been spinning around his head long enough that it turned into one long, unrecognizable buzz that echoed through his mind. He must've looked weird, sitting on a bakery roof, staring at nothing, but he didn't really care about anything at the moment.

He looked down. This was Marinette's room, but all he could see through the small skylight-window was her bed. Which looked really warm and cozy.

Would it be... _wrong_ to say that he didn't exactly want to feel warm and cozy right now?

Lightning flashed in the distance in the edges of his vision, and thunder sounded a short time after. It rained harder.

He didn't move.

 

* * *

  
He almost regretted staying on Marinette's roof, because during class the next day he was dead tired. His eyelids fluttered and closed so much he was pretty sure that he actually _fell asleep_ in the _front of the class_ , head propped up on one hand. He jolted awake at this realization, and was instantly self-conscious. He was Adrien Agreste.

Agreste.

 _Agreste_.

He has to stop forgetting that.

( _youarean **Agreste** you **Represent** the **AgresteName** and **Label** youarrof **Importance** youarean **Agreste** youmustbeperfectatalltimes **NoMistakesAreAllowed** youmustbe **Perfect**_ )

He isn't perfect.

 

* * *

  
Sitting on Marinette's roof, he remembers why he stayed here so late last night.

It's almost comfy, the ambient light coming from her room and drifting up into the night, her actual balcony that he dared not stay on for too long - lest she come out and he be exposed for the weirdo he actually is - and a good chunk of Paris, including the Eiffel Tower, splayed out before him.

After a perpetually tense and worried and anxiety-ridden day, it's the only moment of relaxation that manages to grace his weary soul.

He feels like quitting.

 

* * *

  
Again, he almost regrets it. But he can say that he's in good company, because during a group project, Marinette looked as tired as he did, and he was too sleepy to blow off Nino and Alya's teasing.

 

* * *

 

 

  
He doesn't know how to tell her.

Should be even? There's no point.

At all.

Maybe he just wants someone to care, or at least put up the illusion. So he can be 'happy', however short the feeling will last.

 

* * *

 

He'll tell her tonight.

* * *

 

  
Tonight.

* * *

 

  
God, why is he such a coward?

* * *

 

  
His father was mad about something, he didn't really care what, he only cared that he was taking it out on him with sharp words and complaints and _you're an **Agreste** , you must be **Perfect** , this is **Unacceptable**_ , and it was the last straw and he snapped.

 _Snapped_ ** _hard_**.

Whatever and every frustration he had, made up of swallowed words that made him want to throw it all up and hot tears and interrupted buts and countered whys and ignored and silent at the same time hows and everything he's wanted to say and do that he's never did, anything ever he's never got to do, because of him, because of **_h i m_** , it bubbled up and over and filled him and consumed him and he wasn't really in control of his actions anymore.

So when he practically pushed his father out of his room, shouting about something himself, he didn't really know how or why exactly. And when he shouted various things at his father that he was sure to regret later, but no way in hell would he regret them now, he also had no idea how or why. But he vaguely knew what he was doing when he slammed the door in his father's face, made sure both of his doors were locked before transforming.

He was going to Marinette's house.

* * *

  
Chat Noir had two options.

Quit or resume.

By the time he had calmed down enough to think clearly, he was just Adrien, after destroying a useless item (The scarf he got from his father-it meant nothing to him now.) in his fury with Cataclysm. Plagg was silent and out of sight.

Maybe scared, for just blowing up like that.

He scoffed. He never was a perfect golden child, and he never will be.

Marinette decided at just that moment to come up to be balcony. Adrien wasn't there, but behind her chimney.

He wasn't going to stay. Plagg appeared and didn't say anything as Adrien whispered, "Claws out."

And as Chat Noir, he made his escape.

He still was undecided. Somehow.

* * *

  
But he was so tired.

It was a tired that dug deep, that made his whole self, mind, body, soul, feel like it was dropped in some sleep potion or something like a half-chocolate-covered strawberry, and he just wanted to sleep for an indefinite amount of time.

Because everything was just so tiring. For the first time in a while, he truly didn't want to do anything. At all.

Nothing interested him anymore.

* * *

 

Maybe it was weird to tell Marinette that he wanted to-and was going to-kill himself.

It was.

But he felt like he had to.

Why was he doing this?

Because of his father, constant pressure, he was so tired, _he couldn't do anything right, he was so tired of everything_ -

Oh, right.

He knocked on Marinette's skylight-window with a shaky fist that he demanded to still, with no luck.

Marinette looked up when she appeared, eyes squinting into the dark.

She opened the window, climbing out. "Chat Noir-what are you doing here?"

He's shaking. He swallows something, and it feels like a rock. "I'm-I can't do it anymore."

Marinette frowned, and he instantly felt like the scum of the earth, anything self-hate swarming up and taking the bait all at once. It swarmed his mind and the forgot how to think and speak and breath and any other basic human function.

"What are you talking about?" She asks, and he shook his head, and he has to actively keep it from continuing and going down the same path as his hands and knees.

"I-," He says, throat filled with something that he can't speak around. "I-It's all too much."

She frowned further, and he feels like crying. "What?"

"I'm so tired, Marinette," He chokes out. " _I'm so **tired**_."

"W-Wh-" Her eyes go wide. "Chat, what are you saying?!" She demands, and he has to leave before he stays longer and she convinces him and he goes through the same thing over again.

She calls after him as he escapes, but he ignores her.

* * *

  
Take the knife and end it.

End it all.

Everything, good or bad, will be gone.

No more photoshoots.

_No more Ladybug._

No more or his father.

_No more miraculous._

No more pain.

_No more happiness._

He thinks that he'd rather feel nothing than jump between everything.

So he takes the knife.

He takes it and it glints in the moonlight that shines on the highest platform on the Eiffel Tower and everything feels vaguely poetic and his mind is strangely quiet for once. Maybe his thoughts are satiated now?

His arm has a small cut and it burns red and hot and cold at the same time. A small drop defaces the ground.

He kinda likes it. A little. So he does it a couple more times, and he all the burning and freezing melts into one big thing that feels strangely nice. Vaguely.

Okay, he's had his fun.

Now it's time to end it, he guesses.

* * *

* * *

Ladybug has no idea who Chat Noir is.

Chat Noir is a stranger, apparently. Because unless she was reading what he was saying completely and utterly wrong (she hoped), he was going to kill himself.

And that _**cannot happen**_.

She doesn't know where to go. She glances everywhere, looking for anyone who could be jumping from a high place. If he decides to go to his home and hill himself with other means, there's nothing she can do, and she instantly regrets any time she's blown him off and told him no and just any time she's denied him anything.

He deserves the world and more, and she hasn't even given him her name and he would gladly give his life for her. How can she bear to call herself a friend, much less a hero, much less a human being?

She groans in her sigh, and decides to go to a higher place. The Tower looks good.

* * *

He's been sitting here too long, just...holding the knife, looking at nothing as he grips the knife, leaving a mark for every minute that passes.

He knows he's stalling. Why, he doesn't know. But death is waiting, making a nice little place for him.

And he'll wait until he decides to let it come.

He sighs, eyes grazing over the label on his shoe-

(- _ **Perfect** mustbe **Perfect** cantfailicantfailiman **Agreste** ihavetobe **Perfect** failureis **NotAnOption** i **Represent** the **Agreste** nameand **Label** imustbe **Perfect** icannotfail_-)

And he holds the knife to his throat, and puts pressure on it, and cuts.

* * *

Ladybug gasps. A choked sob escapes as she collapses.

There, sitting in the highest platform on the Eiffel Tower, is Adrien Agreste.

Dead.

He's Chat. (He was Chat. There's the box, right next to him.)

He went through with it.

She was too late.


	2. In The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well here u go dawn sorry it took so long I kept forgetting

He wanted to throw up. Ladybug came, she found him, she threw the knife, she thinks he's an idiot, she hates him, she's gonna take him back, she's gonna take his miraculous, _she's gonna-_

"Adrien." She finally says something, and it's tearier than he expected, eyes wet with unshed tears that finally fell. "Why?"

 _Because I'm a selfish idiot._ He swallows. He doesn't trust himself to talk, something building up in his throat that tells him that he's going to fall into a sobbing mess if he so much as utters a sound. The thing in his chest that builds whenever he holds something back is suffocating.

"Adrien," Her gaze is pleading, and he stares down at his bloodied wrists, biting his lip. Something wet falls, and he realizes that he's also crying. "Please, tell me why." She approaches, and he backs away, shaking his head. She wants to take him back. She's going to take him back.

He _can't. He can't he can't he can't he can't **he can't-**_

And she envelops him, and he finds himself sinking into her and letting go.

He lets go of it. Bit back responses, lonely nights, so many frustrations, he lets go of. Ladybug is comforting through it all, and he knows he's never loved her more than in this moment.

She gently hushes him, murmurs soothing words, gives affectionate touches, and he unravels at each one. He loves her so much. So much.

"Chaton," She says. "Shh, I love you too. Shhhh, everything's going to be okay. Shhh."

And he believes her.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't want to go "home" and she doesn't make him. He stays over at her home until things are straightened out between Gabriel and his son. Then the house is more like a home, Gabriel has never been kinder, and Adrien feels truly complete.
> 
>  
> 
> I didn't go with this ending at first because it was too much like Waterfalls. And I have a hankering for death. But eh. It was suggested, and I'm late but here you go!

**Author's Note:**

> (Ladybug was never the same. Marinette was never the same. She gave up her power, after having proof that she cannot save him, anyone, and Tikki was forced to find a new holder that was not as driven as Marinette, was never the same as Marinette used to be, will never be Marinette.
> 
> Marinette is gone. There's only a shadow of a girl now.
> 
> And some could suspect part of it, but no one would know it all.
> 
> (She later took her own life after failing a fashion competition and being subject to Gabriel's harsh criticism, even harsher and merciless even years after the death of his son. No one suspected, no one could save her.
> 
> They were one, both the same as the other at their core, even in death.))


End file.
